Revenge and Retribution
by Serephina of the Kamis
Summary: Kagome is tired of Sesshoumaru's attitude, and has decided to take revenge. But what kind of retribution will Sesshoumaru give? One-shot, AU


Disclaimer: InuYasha does not belong to me, and now that I have said that, you cannot sue me for writing a fanfic. SO STOP HARRASSING ME!

So I got bored in the most advanced calc class freshman can take. Go figure. That might be why I have no idea what's going on in that class. But anyway, I was bored, and I was thinking about awesome one-shot/drabbles that I found were absolutely hilarious, and decided that I was going to try my hand at writing a funny one shot, instead of the serious stuff I normally write. Let me know how I did.

_**REVENGE AND RETRIBUTION**_

If there was one the that pissed her off about her fiancée, Taisho Sesshoumaru, it was that attitude. His infamous _I'm-superior-to-you-all-because-I-am-the-Prince-of-the-West-and-a-taiyoukai_ attitude that she'd almost purified him for when they'd first met. Well, that, and he'd tried to drown his half-brother, her best friend, in the shallow end of their pool. _Again!_ But the attitude had definitely been the damning factor. How she'd ever fallen in love with the arrogant jerk, she'd never know.

Sesshoumaru's attitude basically boiled down to two things: his hair, and his eyebrows. His hair was the physical representation of his superiority. It was better than hers, damn it, and he loved to flaunt that fact in her face. And he barely spent any time on it either! It was his pride and joy, and he was known to literally maim people who got too close to the silver wonder.

His eyebrow were just as bad. He never showed any emotion on his face except for his eyes, which people never read into anyway, and his eyebrows. She often said, to his face, that he had no eyebrows. Just physical representations of his superiority complex. To which his eyebrows would rise, proving her point. His eyebrows said more than his damn voice did! As if he was too good to talk, and expected the lesser being around him to interpret the small movements of his eyebrows instead.

Higurashi Kagome, fiancée of Taisho Sesshoumaru, Prince of the West and Vice-President of Taisho Corp., had been very good about his attitude. When Sesshoumaru had stumbled home from InuYasha's bachelor party, completely and totally trashed, she had only casually mentioned that he was drunk. Sesshoumaru, being the arrogant, pompous bastard he was prone to be, had immediately straightened, focused his perfect golden eyes on her, and made his announcement.

"This Sesshoumaru cannot be inhibited by the mere consumption of a substance made by pathetic humans."

At least, that's what he tried to say. What actually came out was "Thith Thethomawu commen be inhibithd by tha mewe comthumpin of a thubthant mawd by wowy thumins."

Unluckily for him, Kagome knew exactly what he'd meant to say. It was the final straw on the metaphorical camel's back.

* * *

Sesshoumaru woke up with a pounding headache. Mentally, he cursed the damn hanyou and his perverted monk friend. They'd ragged him all night about not drinking, and finally he'd drunk a little. And then a little more. Apparently, he had over-estimated his ability to consume human liquor. Gods, he couldn't even remember getting home last night.

He smelled water, and blindly reached out to the night stand by the bed. One hand closed on a glass while the other found a pair of pills. He down them quickly, silently thanking Kagome for remembering what happened when he got drunk.

When his headache had lessened to a manageable degree, he opened his eyes to see a note on the nightstand. He lifted it and took a sniff, smiling as Kagome's scent eased the last of his headache away.

"_Dear Lord Puppy, King of All Things Fluffy,_"

Sesshoumaru rolled his eyes at that. He never understood why she had insisted on calling him that since the day he'd shown her his true form.

"_I left early this morning to help Kikyo get ready. You have the 11-1 shift to make sure InuYasha doesn't run, so make sure you get there on time. I'm holding you personally responsible if he runs out on my cousin _again!_"_

Sesshoumaru frowned. Was it really his fault his hanyou brother had stood up Kagome's cousin three times? It had all worked out in the end anyway!

"_I love you, and I'll see you at the wedding._

_All my love,_

_Kagome._"

Sesshoumaru couldn't help the small smirk at that last part. He truly did love the woman, even if she did drive him up the wall. Literally. She often complained about the scratch marks on the walls. But she easily accepted him in a world where the majority of humans still saw him as a monster.

He glace at the note again, and saw the post script she added. With an amused smirk, he read his intended's after thought.

"_P.S. Look in the mirror._"

Curious, Sesshoumaru headed for the bathroom. A few seconds later, a strangled roar shook the mansion.

* * *

InuTaisho sat back with a smile. His younger son was officially married and mated, quite happily from the looks of them. Now, he only had another month until his other son was just as happy, and with the girl he saw as his second daughter. Yes, only one more-

"Inu-chan!" InuTaisho jumped as Izayoi called to him.

"Darn it woman! You scared the begeebers out of me!" InuTaisho growled.

Izayoi just laughed and held out the phone. "Kagome's on the phone for you."

InuTaisho brightened. "Gimme, gimme, gimme, gimme!" He shouted, practically tackeling his mate to the ground. Izayoi giggled and sidestepped him, holding out the phone when he hit the ground. InuTaisho grabbed it. "KAGOME! What's going on!"

"INUTAISHO!" Kagome screamed. "Sesshoumaru. . . wedding. . . can't. . . fair. . . something. . . one. . . HELP!"

"Slow down, Kagome." InuTaisho said, a tone of worry filling his voice. "Take a deep breath and calm down."

InuTaisho heard her sob, and instantly tensed. "Kagome, come on, talk to me."

"Sesshoumaru. . ."

"Did something happen to Sesshoumaru?" InuTaisho asked.

Whimpers told InuTaisho no. He heard another voice on the phone, and Kagome screamed. "Go away! I _hate_ you! Go away, you stupid, arrogant, prideful jerk! I never want to see you again. . ."

There was a brief scuffle, and he heard Sesshoumaru's voice faintly. ". . . calling my father. Honestly."

"Sesshoumaru? Is that you?" InuTaisho demanded.

InuTaisho heard a sigh. "Yes, father, it is me."

"What the hell is wrong with my daughter?" InuTaisho demanded.

"Kagome is merely upset because I have cancelled the wedding." Sesshoumaru answered.

InuTaisho stared ahead of him in shock for a grand total of twenty seconds. Then he exploded. "_**WHAT THE HELL DO YOU MEAN YOU CANCELLED THE WEDDING!**_"

"Father, it is not permanently cancelled." Sesshoumaru growled. "It is merely being moved to another date, several years in the future."

"_**WHY IN THE HELL ARE YOU DOING SOEMTHING STUPID LIKE THAT?**_" InuTaisho screamed.

"Because I refuse to go to my own wedding with shaved off eyebrows and hair." Sesshoumaru growled.

InuTaisho smirked, and a few minutes later burst out laughing. "You know, that's the attitude that made Kagome shave those things off in the first place."

"Kagome has no one to blame but herself." Sesshoumaru growled. "Now she will wait for my hair to regrow."

"Sesshoumaru!" InuTaisho almost laughed when he heard Kagome shouting. "I got the damn Rogaine! Get your ass over here so I can regrow your damn hair!"

Sesshoumaru growled over the phone. "I refuse to use that ridiculous product on my hair."

"You don't have any hair! That's why we're using the 'ridiculous product!'"

"I will not use Rogaine!"

"Come here, you stupid puppy dog!"

The phone clattered, and the sounds of fighting echoed over the phone. With a chuckle, InuTaisho hung up. "Ah, young love." He muttered.

* * *

Obsessive_Goddess: So this is what I do in calc.

Sesshoumaru: And then you wonder why you understand nothing?

Horse Wolves: Hey! I think. . . well. . . Sorry, OG, I gotta agree with Sesshoumaru.

Kagome: Um . . . maybe you're being a little harsh?

Obsessive_Goddess: Thanks Kagome. By the way. . . what's the limit of x as x -- a-?

Kagome: Um. . . ooh look, **BALLOONS!**


End file.
